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Back-to-School Brat Survival Kit
by Mija

It's getting to be that time of year again <boo!!! hiss!!!> - thoughts are turning to school and uniforms and teachers and classes <pout/sulk>. Summer is just too darn short (no, not Summer Nicole, I mean the SEASON between spring and fall - like duh!!) and the autumn back-to-school sales are showing up (Pablo recently just happened to notice that everyone is out buying new school uniforms). =:-O

As THEY get our uniforms in order, sharpen pencils, buy new notebooks and worse yet <gasp! horrors!!> new and improved math books, I feel all constrained and stifled (like my collar is too starchy and tight!!! Help help I'm being oppressed!!!). And so, I think what I need for the start of school is a brand spanking new brat survival kit or two. And maybe you need one too. The basic one should be carried on or near your cute little brat bod at all times. The deluxe one is meant for the well-appointed brat locker.

This list is not exhaustive and could be thought of as the start of a thread BB4B (by brats for brats). I'm sure you all have good ideas of what should go in here. I wanna hear 'em now!!! Hurry, hurry, before school starts!!! Also, I've kinda taken the squirt gun/silly string/water balloon stuff as a constant given. <giggling> Let's try and be original here!

Basic Kit

Beeper. Should go off randomly, especially in study hall and on exam days (a theatrical or musical performance would be another good place for this). This will work best if you're trying to annoy (not that I would of course) Pablo. Beeping alarm watches set at 15 minute intervals are a good substitute here. Do NOT answer or stop the beeper. The trick is to look around like you're wondering whose it is too. Advanced brats will want to hide it in the room itself (Heating vents? Ceiling tiles?? The teacher's briefcase???) <neg>.

Gum. Sugary, hot pink (Bazooka is always good or Hubba-Bubba) - the sticky pink stuff is great because it is a kewl color, smells good, tastes sweet and has awesome irritating noise potential (bubble popping, cracking, or just chewing all noisy-like).

Hershey Kiss. (See larger kit below, under chocolate.)

Liquid Paper Bottle. You have to make this. Take a bottle (full, empty, whatever), empty it, then rinse it clean with nail polish remover. You now have an approved-of school supply that can be used to transport a very small item to a knowing fellow brat. I use them to pass notes that are all rolled up around the brush. Almost undetectable!!

Pens. No, I haven't gone over to the dark (read: top) side here. I mean special pens.

1. Fat fluorescent highlighters for one (great because you could even say you were going to study with them <g>). I like to highlight any spanking-related words myself (note to moderators: Now I'm on topic, right?) <ng>.

2. Permanent markers. Not that I'd use them to draw on a paddle or cane or anything, let alone to write 'Grow your own dope; plant a top!' on the bathroom walls (that was Randi, I swear!!) <eg>. But you could!! And you could write on yourself with them too. Almost like a tattoo, the marks take days and days to get off <g>. Marks-A-Lot now makes a 'brights' pack that includes a hot pink, bright green, orange and black.

3. Fluorescent roller ball pens. For homework, notes to friends, writing lines, doodling, whatever (these are so kewl!!!!). OK, they aren't easy to find, but man are they worth it (they are called 'Gelly Rolls' by Sakura - I found them at a Carlton Cards). They come in bunches of colors (all obnoxious as heck, but I like the hot pink and fluorescent green best). Pablo has yet to express a preference - he must like them all!! :-P There is a very bright yellow (Summer?) but it's even harder to read than the others <grin grin grin>. They are so smooth and easy to write with (I'm thinking about some brat with mucho lines here - surely not me) and stand out beautifully against white. A must have!!!! (IMHO).

Deluxe Locker Kit

Chocolate. In any and all forms. For emergency snacks (remember, there's no such thing as too much sugar :-P) or quickie bribes (just so the other brats don't squeal on ya <glancing over at 'lissa>).

Carbon Paper. If I hafta explain this one you is no brat.

Dictionary. Yeah right - NOT. (Addition: it was pointed out to me that some work with a penknife would make a dictionary a great place to hide brat objects. I'm not taking a position on this 'cause cutting up any book would put me in the OTK one. Let's just say that this came as a suggestion from a high office holder in this town. Without naming names it was J*dg* P*tr*ch**.)

Musical Card. You know, the ones that play 'Happy Birthday' or 'Jingle Bells'. These would be a mildly bratty thing to send someone; they are rather annoying even the first time through. But an advanced brat will take the button-sized device out of the card, use a piece of tape to permanently secure it on 'play' and hide it in the (math) classroom (inside a light fixture or wall socket is a good place!!!). At first no one will hear it, but then there will be a quiet moment. And like a loudly ticking clock, once you hear the tinny music you cannot not hear it. Trust me, your teacher will go NUTS looking for it (practice your innocent and annoyed look NOW). The best thing is, these little musical devices have been known to play for as long as a week. <giggling madly> Oh, and extra kudos to the first brat to find one that plays 'I'm Too Sexy' for Petruchio's class.

Nail Polish. I don't care if you are a het male brat!! <giggle> You don't just need this stuff, you need this stuff!! The purple, green and chartreuse polishes (let alone the neon yellow called 'sinful' I bought Saturday) are another way to make yourself stand out from the crowd and express your individuality. Most schools don't yet have a policy on nail color. Imagine what good thoughts the headmaster will have of you if you have the school's orange and green colors expressed on your nails!!! He's bound to want to personally congratulate you on your individuality.

Paddle Protectors. Another home-made item. Made from cutting bound magazines in circle shapes. Judge your own size ;). Insert in underwear prior to visiting the headmaster/mistress's office. (Important Safety Note: obviously you need to make sure that like the ones in Knax's stories this is going to be an over the skirt/pants paddling. Otherwise you'll only get yourself in deeper. And don't even think I'd be responsible!)

Police Line Tape. You know, that yellow 'Do Not Cross' stuff. Steal it from real crime scenes (or maybe your dad is a police officer (???)) and then squirrel it away. If you play your cards right you could close the whole school for a day or two (this might require a chalked outline of a three legged man too)!!!

Powerbook. Well, my Mac is bratty, and PC and UNIX people seem to think all Mac owners are brats (though that's just 'cause we've never had to read the dumb manuals :-P). 'Sides, I waaaaaaannnnnt a Powerbook all my own!!! <stamping foot for emphasis> Um, the one with the active matrix screen and DVD player. Oh, and while I'm dreaming, can I have a pony?

Rayban Wayfarer Sunglasses. For the days you're just too cool for school.

Safety Pins. In case you get tired of rolling your skirt. If you use one pin per pleat they are real hard to detect. And if you get sent to the office for the skirt being too short (it will look like it was altered by sewing) you just stop at the restroom and take the pins back out. You can now innocently claim that the teacher is picking on you. ;)

Shoe Laces. In neon green, pink or yellow (all three for that ever-so-special day!!). School dress codes rarely specify the color of shoe laces, so this is a legal (at least at present) way to individualize your uniform. A little neon near your toes is bound to lift your mood, lighten your feet, make you dance out of line. It may have the bonus of distracting your classmates and even your school teacher!!!!

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