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Secrets
by Mija

I don't know why I'm writing this.

Some secrets need to be kept. Others don't. But how do you know which from which?

My Daddy and I have a secret. I can't tell anyone. Not my friend Rachel. Not my teacher Miss Curtain. Certainly not my mother.

Thinking of my mother makes my stomach hurt. If she were nicer everything would be different. It's our secret but it's her fault.

I mean, she makes him spank me. Every little thing I do, she yanks me away from my friends and into my room. I used to beg her to punish me herself, not to tell Daddy. I stopped begging because it never mattered. She watches while I take off my skirt or jeans and waits until I'm sitting on the edge of my bed in just my panties, then leaves.

Sometimes I have to sit all day.

When Daddy comes home he comes to my room carrying the paddle or his belt. He asks what I have to say but I never talk. He used to just make me stand and take off my panties, but last year I started wetting myself when he touched me.

I didn't do it on purpose, but Daddy thought I did. So now we go into the bathroom and he takes them off there. I have to sit on the toilet with him until I go. When I think about it I'm ashamed, but really I'm glad. Because when I wet the floor my mom found out.

I don't get my panties back so while we walk back I'm bare. Being bent over the bed or pulled across his lap is almost a relief.

Almost. But not quite. Because spankings hurt. The paddle stings and so does the belt and even though I try to stay quiet and bite the sides of my mouth until I taste salt and blood, I end up crying out, begging him to stop. I know my mother can hear me and my shame. That brings tears.

Daddy doesn't like tears and holds me. He says he hates to see his princess cry, hates punishing me. He rubs the sore places to make them better. And the places that aren't sore. He rubs there too. And it feels good and I stop crying.

I don't want him to stop. When he rubs I'm brave for him, not crying when he spanks me. He's happy and my mom's mad because I'm so brave.

But then I have to rub him. I mean, it's his turn and so I touch him there, so he feels powerful too. I don't like that, but I do it and pretend to like it too. My mother can't know I can do it and I won't ever tell her.

After he puts me in bed, I touch myself and remember the spanking and pretend I was brave.

I don't know why I'm writing this. Some secrets no one understands.

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