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The Way It Really Is
by Mija

Entry Seven: 6 September 1985. Rating: Sucked and I Don't Even Care If It Was Fair.

We're in school where the uniforms are a lot uglier than at my old school - I HATE burgundy plaid. And the sweaters itch plus my saddle shoes hurt.

Anyway, being in a new school is a lot of work. Not so much for my sister because she's only in second grade. But the kids in fifth grade all know each other already and I'm just some loser outsider. Mom says, "just smile and introduce yourself". Okay that might have worked on "Happy Days" or whenever she was a kid, but these girls do not want to talk to me. I spent all lunch in the library reading. And counted down minutes on my pad until school got out.

So we're in the car on the way home and my sister's blabbing away about this girl and that that she's hanging with and I am NOT jealous but just have a headache and so I tell her to shut up. Which freaks my mom out totally because "WE DON'T SPEAK LIKE THAT IN THIS FAMILY" and I'm like "whatever, sorry sorry."

But it was bad because now it's my turn for the "how was your day" crap. My day totally sucked but I don't say that because if I do it's going to be all about "ADVICE FOR ANNE ON MAKING FRIENDS" which I sooooo don't need. So I was like "fine."

But she wouldn't leave it alone and I finally just said, "my day was FINE so leave me the hell alone!" And then bam she turns and slaps my face. Like it's my fault she keeps prying into my life. And is all "we'll just see what your dad has to say about your attitude."

When we get home she tells me I have to go to my room and wait for my dad. I don't know why but I just yell at her, "Whatever, just mind your own business", before I run upstairs. I knew he was going to spank me so I just read my book.

So I hear from upstairs her telling him about my bad attitude and how I was rude to my sister and rude to her and how I'd been like this for days and she was at wit's end and blahblahblah whatever. Okay now I was sorry about what I said to her even though she slapped me until she started working my dad up. I hear him say he'll take care of it and then he comes upstairs and opens my room without even knocking even though I'm 10 now. He's got the paddle in his hand already.

And before he even asks for my side he starts yelling about how I've been behaving and how he's tired of it and this is the final straw and how I've had this coming to me for a long time (like I don't know that he'd have given it to me anyway). And I started to hold my breath because I didn't want to cry even though he was yelling and I was all scared. He was really mad that I'd talked back to mom which I really didn't mean to.

I tried to tell him about how hard the new school is and how I'd had a bad day and headache but he said the least I could say was sorry but since I wasn't he'd MAKE SURE I FELT SORRY. And he pulled me over his lap and pulled up my uniform and then pulled down my underwear and started whacking me with the paddle.

I thought I would be brave but really I wasn't and started yelling and crying. Because he was spanking really fast and hard. But he kept right on, and was telling me at the same time that I'd learn to act like a decent member of this family. What a joke. Like they're all decent. But I said yes yes yes sorry sorry sorry so finally he stopped and then I pulled my clothes right and he wanted to hug and everything so I did. But I wish I hadn't.

Then I had to go downstairs and say "sorry" to my mom and eat dinner like nothing had happened. And even got told DON'T YOU DARE POUT AND PLAY MARTYR, MISSY. So I pretended to be all happy so I didn't get given SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT.

When I grow up I'll remember kids have bad moods too.

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