Copyright 1998 to <raandi@ix.netcom.com>, <mijita@newsguy.com>, and <Pablo.Stubbs@newsguy.com>. Please respect this copyright. Don't distribute or archive this story in any way except for personal use without explicit permission. No, it's not in the public domain. Ask first, okay? Thanks.

Hope you like it. :-)

Pablo (also posting this for Randi and Mija)

Unbracketed text is Randi
Text in {} brackets is Mija
Text in [] brackets is Pablo (Because, as Mija says, I always need to have the last word. I just say it comes out that way because I write so slowly.)

{Mija notes that Pablo doesn't know how to eat American food at all. For instance, he puts salt and pepper (but no syrup!!) on French toast. Eeeeew! Oh the horror, the horror!}

[Hang on a minute! 'French' toast? American?! Can you say the words 'cultural' and 'imperialism'? <humph!> Pablo thinks Denny's is great: it's a true mark of civilisation to be able to get French toast and rubbery scrambled eggs 24 hours a day. Those mysterious glasses that refill like the Magic Porridge Pot are pretty cool too. :-)]

The most immediately eye-catching thing about Pablo is the high-tops. Turquoise. With lime green socks. Next is the long, long hair. Not at all what Randi expected from our beloved fussy British moderator-pedant.

{Randi missed out on the purple ones 'cause they were too sandy to bring. <eg> His only other shoes are a pair of tan boots with kewl purple laces. And Randi should just be glad those socks matched. He obviously took more care dressing to meet her than he did Mija's parents (another story - lots less fun too!)}

[Pablo wishes to point out to Mija that wearing odd socks isn't always a sign of not taking care dressing. <twinkle> Sometimes the colour combinations are chosen very carefully. I work very hard at the couldn't-care-less image. And it's true: the US is a land where every man has a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of cheap Converse All-Stars. Well, if he lives in San Francisco, anyhow. <Pablo starts to glare at Randi for calling him 'fussy', but then warms to 'beloved'.>]

Until, of course, she discovered that Pablo is physically incapable of walking away from a car without personally checking to see that all four doors are locked. Also, lint on the floor seemed to irritate him, just a little.

{He checks each door at least once, often doing it twice or more. This is not, of course, obsessive compulsive. Nooo way, Uh-uh! He's just really really careful. ;) Note: One can have great fun with Pablo by asking as one walks away from the car with him: "Did you check my door?" There's a way good chance he'll have to look again. ;) }

[Look, it was my credit card the rental company had, so I got to check the doors just as often as I liked. :-P~~~~~~~~~~~~ <Feeling somewhat put-upon, not for the first time with this pair of brats.>]

The only surprise about Mija was that she is exactly the same as she is online. Adorable, giggly, a brat to the core. Even her panties were plaid.

{Meeting Randi was totally kewl. She giggles at least as much as Mija does (and is more of a brat and anything bratty that happened was all her fault anyway). She also has the most wonderful hair. As the trio was driving around, Mija was itching to get her hands on it. <naughty grin>. And not just 'cause Randi sat in the back seat and pulled hers. Wanna know how come Randi knew what Mija's panties were like? Aren't you the nosey one?? ;)}

[All of this is true - 'cept for the part about Randi being more of a brat than Mija. Mija is adorable. Randi is kewl. Together, they're the biggest damn nuisance since the Three Stooges. And don't let them fool you into thinking the in-car bratting was just between themselves. Poor old Pablo - while driving, I wish to add - was squirted with water, whapped with the whippy little leather thing from the game (more later), had his hair pulled. It's a good thing I have such a placid nature.]

Being in a wonderfully historic section of our beautiful country <cough>, Randi and Mija just had to subject Pablo to the extremely cheesy Wild West Experience, and dragged him, protesting, to RAWHIDE - kind of a western theme park with shopping. It was great fun - they giggled over all the leather goods, made Pablo try on silly hats, shopped for kitschy souvenirs for the entire Stubbs clan back in Britain, and threatened to have the Sheriff arrest him. He was a pretty good sport about it all, but absolutely refused to say "Howdy, pardner" even once.

{Most memorable quote of the day? Randi saying "Mmmmmm! Love that smell!!" as the trio walked into the leather section of the store. Pablo found a hat that looked great on him and Mija wanted him to buy it to wear back in Pabloland but he didn't. :(( He really woulda stood out there too. It was a kewl hat. Honest! I wouldn't want him to look silly or nothing. Randi did buy something It was long and tooled and made of leather. And, as Mija discovered later (but woulda guessed anyway) hurt.}

[Pablo's previously-aghast attitude towards 'Rawhide' (complete with tape-loop of Frankie Laine, or whoever, at the entrance <rolls eyes>) softened when he discovered entry was free. It's one thing to be humiliated; it's quite another to have to pay for the privilege. (Though YKIOK, and all that :-). He wasn't quite sure whether Mija and Randi were being serious when they said that one particular hat suited him and he must buy it. Would they set him up? You bet they would. Anyhow, he almost bought it, until her realised that it wouldn't look quite the same back in Blighty. Pab is not given to exhibitionism - beyond garish Converses and odd socks. :-)]

In the car on the way to dinner, Mija and Randi got cranky (it had been many hours since our last Denny's meal), and generally made pests of themselves whining "Are we there yet?" and pulling each others' hair, and then complaining that about having their hair pulled. Pablo is pretty unflappable, and basically just let them poke and pinch him, complain, and be enormous brats. He finally cracked completely, though, when Mija let out an earsplitting "Feeeeeeeeeeeeed uuuussssssssss!" and actually threatened to "turn this car right around." It was a real accomplishment <g>.

{Who pulled whose hair?? Wait a minute! Mija was in the front seat (Pablo seemed to want them in different parts of the car for some reason) and couldn't reach Randi's hair. Poor Mija was totally defenseless against the bratting behind her. Wellll, almost totally. But being as how they were in the Ol' West, Mija had remembered to pack both her squirt gun and pen in case they were attacked by bandits. Using both deftly she had almost managed to subdue the bratty Randi when some of the spray came near (I still say it never touched him) Pablo who was driving. (In her excitement Mija had forgotten the "no squirting in the car" rule - made before her hair was gonna get pulled <pout>) And then WHACK!! Pablo smacked the front of her leg just below her shorts way hard. There was a red mark and everything. And it was all Randi's fault and she didn't get in trouble at all. Mija pouted for a while and wouldn't read the map so Pablo drove in circles (looking at the bright lights?? Dunno.) until Mija suggested (sorta loudly okay) they stop for food. It was the only thing that saved them from becoming bones in the desert.}

[Blame, as it usually is in situations like this ('cept when I was a kid and me and my brother used to fight and that was not my fault it was all his 'cause he started it <whiiiiiiiiine!!>), was shared equally. If they'd both been in the back seat, I can't imagine the carnage. And who would have been left to explain to the nice police officer why we'd slewed off the road. You guessed. It's a wonder I didn't stop the car and paddle the pair of them. But, as usual, my tolerant nature prevailed, and we managed to get them to food before they reached brat critical mass (critical whine?).]

But the funniest part of the weekend was a discovery we made in an adult shop - a treasure of a British board game called (seriously) "Spanky Spanky." Obviously, we had to buy it <g>.

{The game is set at a place called the "Academy of Sweet Suffering" A.S.S. - which was the first thing about it that Pablo noticed (of course). So we were obviously meant to have it. It was made in the UK (surprise) with a copyright 1995 to "Boxer" with creative credits to "Jamie & Ken".}

[Jamie and Ken, we salute you! Strangely enough, when we looked in FAO Schwartz in San Francisco, we didn't see the game anywhere. And they call themselves a toy shop! Pah!]

Here's how it works: You roll a three-sided die to see who gets to be the "Spankmaster General." The person to his/her left becomes "The Beak" - kind of like the Assistant Spankmaster General. If you get the right card later on, you can become the "Spankmaster's Pet" and avoid punishments by whining (something at which both Mija and Randi excel).

{Pablo on the other hand <GGG> was raised with the credo "Mustn't grumble" (Britain obviously had rationing way too long) and was totally terrible at this, refusing to whine and make excuses. He got punished lots. Hee hee hee. :)))}

[I couldn't quite understand it. I was getting all the questions right, and doing these brilliant mimes, and still, gentle reader, it seemed to be me who got the whacks! And we didn't (well, obviously) just have the dinky little whip that came with the game. We had leather stuff with steel bits in! I keep telling people that I'm delicate, but do they listen?]

Basically, you roll the die, and land on squares that read "Question," "Fate," or "Exam." If you land on "question," you have to answer a question from one of the cards - get it wrong and you get a Dreaded Black Mark. If you get 3 black marks, you get spanked. These questions were incoherent to Mija and Randi - British spellings of words, and trivial in-joke questions about British public schools. Pablo had a distinct advantage, and would often burst out laughing for no apparent reason when the questions were read. Somehow, though, Pablo got spanked the most <g>.

{<whisper> It's 'cause he wasn't cheating. Not that Randi and Mija were or anything. Pride goeth before a fall. <evil grin>}

[Cheating? Cheating?! Well of course I wasn't cheating! You think I know anything about British public schools? Good grief, they built a prison next to my school after I left, and there was more concern about the safety of the prisoners than there was about the schoolkids. (Note: Do I need to give non-UK readers the usual explanation that a British 'public' school is anything but public. Think 'very very private'. Think 'very very expensive'.)]

"Exams" meant a roll of the die to determine your test score, and you would either get or give back black marks as a result. If you land on "Fate," you have to do whatever the fate card says. These said things like "Spank" (get an immediate spanking), "Black Mark," "Dom" (gives you the ability to "pass on" your spanking to someone with a "Sub" card), "Become the New Spankmaster," etc. Mixed in with these were "Forfeit" cards - if you got one of these, you had to sing a song backwards, make up a joke, do a bizarre pantomime, or perform some teenage sexual act ("Kiss the Spankmaster somewhere below the belt" or "Take off an item of clothing that begins with the same letter as your first or last name.")

{<blush> Mija was way bad at these. And you don't even wanna know what Pab did for "Indecent Proposal."}

[<Grin> That one was fun. And don't think I didn't try to get a chance to do it again afterwards!]

If your forfeit wasn't performed enthusiastically enough, or you couldn't make the others guess that you were pantomiming "Shaking an insect off your tongue without using your hands, with your elbows on the floor" (an actual pantomime Randi had to do), then the other players could vote for you to be spanked "straight away."

{The dreaded chant of "Spank Spank Spank" made finishing even harder. And players didn't try to guess very hard either.}

[That's not true. It didn't help that, when Randi was doing 'Shaking an insect off your tongue without using your hands, with your elbows on the floor', we thought we were supposed to be guessing the name of a film <G!> But we were trying!]

There are three rounds to the game. Theoretically, the spankings in the first round were supposed to be on the hands, then on the bottom, then on the bare bottom (yes, the rules said so). We dispensed with the hand business, and settled on clothed, underwear and bare for the three rounds. The Spankmaster administers all spankings, with The Beak spanking the Spankmaster. The title changes hands frequently, so what goes around definitely comes around <g>.

{But Mija got to do a lot more spanking than the other two. <neg>}

[Scarily enough, this was true! The second time we played we also rolled each time to see who the spanker would be. Oh, how I groaned when it came up with Mija's number!]

To determine the level of severity, the spankee rolls the three-sided die. The game says the levels should be mild, medium and "sound" - we settled on a first roll to choose a toy from our collection (the game came with a pathetic little "Spankmaster's Whip" that we immediately mocked and discarded), and a second to determine the number of strokes.

[Hang on. The second game, we didn't roll to decide the number of strokes. We wrote numbers on lots of bits of paper, and each time pulled one from a cup. And these numbers went up to 36! Randi and Mija decided that, 'cause it was a British game, the number of strokes should be a multiple of six. Well obviously. :-)]

{Wait wait! Mija loves that little whip!! When Randi pulled it out of the box in the car after the trio left the shop, Mija got hold of it right away. It's about an 18 inch long wooden dowel with a leather boot lace and a bright pink feather on the end of it. It is by far the most bratty toy she has ever seen. Soooo annoying!! Mija kept whapping Pab with it while he drove and all through the game (it's sort of a Spankmaster symbol of power) and used the feather to tickle Randi. She still doesn't think it was any accident that broke it the very first time Pab was Spankmaster. <pout> But it's fixed now. <ng>}

[It broke when I first used it, O sweetheart, because you'd worn the damn thing out whapping me in the car and all through the game. Folks, imagine being stung once every few seconds by a mosquito the size of a football. It's not exactly a spanking implement. It's more a seriously-annoying-the-hell-out-of implement.]

Needless to say, we had a hysterically good time. We spent the better part of 5 hours taunting each other for incorrect answers, gleefully jumping up and whacking each other during our turn as Spankmaster, and making desperate plea bargains when the die didn't roll our way.

{And Mija won!! Both nights!! And got to spank Pablo really hard. :)))) Nothing's more scary than a brat with a paddle. :)))))}

[Well I was scared. As I remember it, though, you mostly just moaned that you hadn't got spanked enough. Sheesh!]

All in all, it was a wonderful trip. Because we like him so much, we won't be posting anything about Pablo's driving <g>.

{So long as that chocolate keeps arriving on schedule.}

[Now look. I only nearly killed us all by turning into the path of 50 mph traffic once. At no other time did I nearly kill any one of us. I think that's a pretty good record. But, um, inconsistent driving aside, it was a great trip :-), even if we didn't get to use the pool just once!]

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